Protecting your marriage is key when engaging in ministry relationships!  

In a recent article by Dennis Rainey from Family Life, wrote:

Some of these bullet points may be obvious, some not so obvious.  So what can a married, ministry leader do?

1.  Protect yourself and your spouse by being confident, open and honest with each other, no matter the emotional discomfort.

2.  Keep healthy boundaries with opposite sex co-workers, lay leaders and church members.

3.  Do not use relationships for your own personal and emotional gratification.

4.  Be aware how you are connecting with someone emotionally, with their face, their eyes and your heart.

5.  When you see yourself drifting towards an inappropriate connection, reach out to God for help and turn towards your spouse to meet your need for connection.

6.  Seek support from accountability partners and seek professional help when needed.

Confrontation can be as painful for leaders as it is for the person they confront. But successful confrontation is an art. Leading a person to “see” his shortcoming and “feel” safe enough to admit it, requires an understanding and respect of human personality, transparent honesty, and a good sense of timing. Here’s a few suggestions to help ease you through that difficult conversation you know needs to happen:

· Consider the age, mindset, feelings, etc. of the person you confront. If you were in their place, how would you prefer to hear this information?

· Make a list of the feelings you expect them to have both before and after your talk. This will help you design the confrontation approach.

· Make some notes about what you want to say, but try to memorize them or have them set aside discreetly. Reading from a list of a person’s faults can demoralize the person.

· Find the right time and place. Not in front of others, unless you have already tried the private route several times. Not via texting or even a phone call. If I’m confronting with an email, I usually preface it with an oral heads-up that I want to send a sensitive email. None of us like painful surprises.

· Expect the person to be defensive, to make excuses, to blame others. It’s natural—they feel attacked. Let them go through these feelings and express them. Don’t condemn them for feeling defensive.

· Give the person time to process the information. Some people will react humbly in your presence and feel rage later on. Others will be enraged immediately, but after they calm down, they realize the truth.

· Don’t expect everyone to understand and appreciate you for a sensitive confrontation.

· Remain calm. Even if they start accusing you, avoid becoming defensive or angry.

Think of confrontation as leading a person from a desert to an oasis, not just in their thoughts, but in their feelings. The journey may include some rugged climbs and scorching sands. Keep the destination in mind. Inspire the vision of the oasis in the person so he becomes a willing participant in the journey.

Mark Reed

www.hopeworthy.com

At some point, a fire burns out, a plant stops bearing fruit and relationships fade away. How does God expect us to respond when we don’t want it to end?

Prior to entering the promise land, Moses, the leader of the Israelites for forty years was told by God, “You will not cross the Jordan”. Moses had disagreed with God in the past, talked God out of destroying the Israelites and actually came face to face with God.  

Yet now, how does Moses respond? Like most, he pleaded to cross over the Jordan to see the promise land (Deut. 3:25).  Though when God said to him, “That is enough”, Moses listened and obeyed, finishing graciously.

Whether God is making a change around you or the change is “man made”, accepting it is quite difficult. In fact, facing unwanted changes around you can be frustrating and thinking, what might have been. Or just facing the unknown future can be disheartening. How do you respond?

Consider one or two of the following.

1. Remember accepting change doesn’t mean you agree with it.

2. Discover what God is doing inside of you throughout the change..

3. Place your hope in God, his strength to lead you to a different purpose.

4. Rather than digging your heels in the ground asking “why”; ask “how” can I respond in service?

5. Seek the priorities of the moment, rather than in the past.

6. Thank God for blessing your past and now the future that lies ahead.

As we have preached, taught and sung, “Our God is a God of ‘new beginnings’”. Live it!

More Reading:

Happy Endings

Necessary Endings

When we have an issue or an error in our factory, we call it an OFI—Opportunity for Improvement. We don’t spend much time on “who went wrong” but we dig in to “what went wrong,” looking for a root cause. Once we find the root, we know what our total opportunity looks like and we start brainstorming how to fix the root.

We’ve often heard Solomon words, “A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver” (Proverbs 25:11).  Though the right words seem to disappear from our lips when pointing out an issue that could cause discomfort.  Sharing the truth to someone’s blind spot is awkward, unnerving and risks breaking a trust.  What can be done?

Consider the following:

1.  How has the person received constructive criticism in the past?

2.  Take a look at your motives for pointing out the concern or issue.

3.  What can seeking the Almighty’s favor do to help?

4.  How can the individual’s dignity and respect remain in tact when sharing the truth?

5.  Keep in mind, blind spot(s) are generally not malicious acts, more defensive protections.

6.  Communicate these concerns face to face (not electronically), yet a hand written note can be last resort.

7.  Be compassionate in your face and understanding in your words, implying you have weaknesses too!

Listening to someone else read the Bible enlightens your perspective.

Ten years ago I started listening to the New Testament on CDs. Then graduated to the iPhone app by YouVersion of the entire Bible.  I’ve been through the NT several times, listening in my car, on walks, while in a waiting room.  This year I decided to listen through the entire Bible in my devotional time, instead of reading.

It’s a refreshing perspective on the Word.  Admitted, it’s easy to become distracted (even worse than reading) and I have to start the chapter again. But that forces me to focus on listening.  I’m developing my discipline of focused listening.

This morning Revelation came alive in my mind, intrigued by one producer’s interpretation.  Some days I listen to the same chapter over and over again while I meditate on it.  Later in the day, those recordings come to mind like songs, with sound bites that help me recall the Word. On the other hand, listening to the entire book in one sitting gives me the big picture I’ve missed before.

Faith increases with the hearing!

Mark Reed

Author of Rehearsing for Heaven

I’m grouchy this week.  Sarcastic with co-workers. Caustic with my family.  Yesterday a friend asks, “What’s wrong with you?” and I shrugged it off.  Didn’t know anything was wrong until he got me thinking about it.  I thought it was all the porcupines around me with quills flared ganging up to irritate me—including the freeway speed-control freaks who blocked my way. Sure I was short with everyone, but they deserved it for getting in my space.  ?

This morning I’m praying about a decision and I realize how stuck I feel. It’s not all the porcupines around me causing my acidic attitude. It’s a thistle rolling around inside me.  I’m stuck and irritated by that helpless feeling of stuckness.

It’s like spinning your wheels in a snow bank.  Your build up all this heat from the tire spinning and it hardens the snow into ice, increasing the spinning and decreasing your chances of getting out without help. So I decided I need help getting unstuck.

It’s easy to blame the porcupines around us when we’re miserable. Truth is, it’s usually something inside creating the porcupine in the mirror.

Mark Reed

See Mark’s Heaven blog at www.hopeworthy.com/blog

Contributing to God’s Kingdom work generally involves giving rather than getting.  After long periods of giving, to expect others to give back is normal.  In fact, having reciprocal relationships in ministry helps to provide balance and enduring ministries.

What is fair to expect to get out of being in ministry?  Paul writes in 1 Timothy 5:18, :”Do not muzzle the ox (quoting Deut. 25:4) …The worker deserves his wages”.  We are led to believe, to receive something for giving is expected, similar to the idea in Galatians 6:7. “A man reaps what he sows”.  Let’s also not forget eternal rewards (Luke 6:23).

As a ministry leader and servant, what do you get out of ministry?  Whether you receive monetary support or not for ministry, what do you get that motivates you to serve Him with your best?

Two words motivate me more than anything else: Cherry Pie.

As a teacher and leader I know that I’m supposed to use intrinsic more than extrinsic motivation.  Get employees to want to complete a project because of the skills they will develop (intrinsic) rather than because they will receive a cash bonus (extrinsic). Intrinsic is true motivation that builds self-discipline.

But extrinsic motivation is not bad and it works well for short-term results—especially when I need motivational booster  shot.  I need to exercise to lose weight so I will be a healthier person—a ho-hum motivator for me.  But when my doctor said, “Exercise or I’m putting you on medication,” I started walking every day. And when I’m low on motivation, I stoop to dangling a short-term incentive in front of myself: walk 30 minutes today, and you can have a slice of pie tonight.

We’re not pure and spirit-driven enough to always find inner motivation in spiritual discipline. Sometimes we need an external, physical reward for doing something spiritual.  I’ll stop by the coffee shop for a latte after my prayer walk today.

When you don’t feel like being spiritual, it’s okay to dangle a carrot—or a latte—or maybe a cherry pie.

Mark Reed

Author of Rehearsing for Heaven

In the midst of life challenges, what sustains you?  Is it your outgoing personality?  Stubborn perseverance?  Your church and family?

The writer of Hebrews describes believers as runners.  Their endurance is based on following the example of Jesus, fixing their eyes on Jesus as they run life’s race.

While training, a runner experiences a battle within their will due to the physical and mental stress.  As a Christian, we know our focus on Jesus is essential, yet life’s hassles and obstacles slow us down and wear us out.

Gordon MacDonald in his book, A Resilient Life writes, resilient people believe that quitting is not an option.  They know that “walking” is unthinkable.  They are convinced that building resilience is a daily pursuit.

Weariness and exhaustion is a reality, but if quitting is not an option, take the advice of the Hebrews writer, who encourages the runners not to “fall short” of the finish line (God’s rest); but daily seek His Word to penetrate the heart and mind.  We realize our personal stamina will wear out,  only the power of God and His Word will empower us to endure the race.

While running life’s race, what empowers you to endure?